Thursday, February 7, 2013

thought crimes

I always thought that the elusive thigh-gap was desirable, even amongst the male species. Then I read an article in The Globe and Mail this morning about our delusional aspirations to fit a watermelon organically through our upper thighs. I thought there was just fat and skinny.

I went and saw a friend's artwork last month and we were scoping potential babes in the pipe-filled loft. A copious amount of thigh-gapping Queen West (male) babes. Then this friend of a friend stated that they were all so "Alexander Wang" skinny. (I prayed he included me in the mix.) I now use the adjective quite predominately to describe said babes.

The cold Toronto weather has rendered me lifeless and impotent. I joined a gym through Groupon to recover my failing thigh-gap and to attain Alexander Wang skinnyness as my motivation. Caveat: gyms are assholes selling me shit I don't need. I can barely pay rent let alone shop at Zara. Turns out I am moderately underweight and lack protein, but hey, Wang skinny is socially desirable.

Fo realz dough, is butter a carb?

Photo: I Can Teach You How To Do

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