Dustin Lance Black - writer, gay activists, heartbreaker - broke up with me via text not too long ago and news has been reported that he is now dating Tom Daley. That slender Olympic diver who was decorated in some medal. Yes, him.
Daley, eager to pursue, sent him a text that said "call me" with a fucking smiley face. Everyone responds to a smiley face emoji. Black subsequently responded a day later and broke up with me a few weeks after.
As you have probably guessed correctly, we never dated. However, Daley and Black reportedly are.