Friday, September 26, 2014

fitness psa: you're sporting fitness all wrong

I'm going to declare it right now -- like Fergie --  I love working on my fitness. The exercises I enjoy most are cardio related like the bicycle with its two wheels and sturdy frame, relative to the iPhone 6 Plus, and running. In keeping my lithe frame at its apex, I kind of gave up on running because running shoes are expensive (food or shoes?), but I'm biking today, somewhere. Maybe I'll get lost north of Bloor like last time looking for an American department store.

Fitness clothes, man. Where did society go all wrong? They function for one purpose and one purpose only. IT'S FOR THE FUCKING GYM ONLY. They are not this lifestyle bullshit. There is no grey line between gym and lifestyle. If Europe can differentiate between work and life, I'm sure we North Americans can apply that to yoga pants.

Yoga pants: gym. Trousers: everything else. Done.

Fitness accoutrements, particularly the Goodlife gym bag they offer you for free for joining their service, are as ubiquitous as the gyms themselves. The bag doesn't discriminate against social classes, race, colour, gender or sexuality. Oprah scream: EVERYONE GETS ONE!

In the Financial District, there are men in suits carrying their Goodlife bag to the gym after their mundane 8-5 office job to perpetuate their bro-ness. The students in sweatpants, they have one and they probably have an organic chemistry textbook in there, maybe a few condoms too. Don't forget the basic bitches. They love Goodlife bags like they love Kate Spade purses. Ubiquity is fun and unique and it's a shared experience. Did that make sense? I'm not sure.

I'm going to say it, the bags are kind of ugly (this bag belongs to my roommate, I know you read this so.... sorry in advanced). Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess. It functions and that's fine. It can die happy because it has served its purpose in life. To have you sign up for a one-year contract post-New Years and to never attend again because yay corporations for shaming you on your lethargic state!

I'm not giving you alternative gym bag options.

It doubles as a backpack! That's an alternative, right?

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