Wednesday, November 26, 2014

holiday gift guide for people with too much money

There is always that particular person on your holiday list that seems to be a proprietor of everything and every year you contemplate: "what else does this fucker need that he/she doesn't already have?" Everyone loves a tiny horse.

New granite counters? He/she has remodelled.

Lifetime supply of dental floss? Fully stocked.

Ludicrously priced puke/shit bucket? Lets inquire further.

Relatively new to Mr. Porter's inventory is Maison Martin Margiela's Champagne Bucket. It's stainless steel, ridged for your pleasure and comfortable enough to hold at least two reasonably priced bottles of champagne from your local LCBO that doesn't amount to the price of a sale jumper from J. Crew. We're talking $10 bottles. No more, no less.

This piece is going to be thee talk of the New Year's party.

It goes something like this:

Lady friend: "Did you see Jason make out with Monaco in the corner, it was sewww gross?

Me: "No. I was too busy admiring this beautiful craftsmanship."

Lady friend: "Well, it looked like they went to second base and I wonder if Monaco knows that Jason has a boyfriend. Do you think we should join a gym this year? I mean, all that oil swishing hasn't done anything beneficial for my body and I think gingham is making a comeback and I would really like to sport a gingham crop top this summer when I vacation in the South of France in July."

Me: "Do you think this is handmade?"

Lady friend: "You're right. Crop tops are so 2014."

Me: "This is so chic. Where was this during the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge?"

Lady friend: "Thanks for listening. In 2015, we should limit our social media use."

Me: (Rubs stainless steel bucket all night.)

For $500, because we all have that amount of money lying around under our beds or tucked between our ass cheeks, this bullshit bucket can be yours. Or, you can purchase these Golden Goose sneakers that are now on sale!

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