Monday, April 6, 2015

boyfriends now obliged to offer sartorial advice

This post is dedicated to all the heterosexual men who often say nice, insincere compliments to their significant other when shopping - when really they shouldn't - to avoid repercussions. Sex is important to you, I get it, blue balls are terrible and unspeakable. However, now that you know the difference between wool and acrylic, blouse and shirt, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, you should offer her educated sartorial advice rather than the banal response of: "yeah, it looks good".

The aforementioned response was cheap. Akin to a kick to the testicles during a man-to-man brawl.

The male consumer now has a more heightened awareness about fashion, style. They're reading HYPEBEAST, they're buying their own clothes and they are informed consumers who care about fit, cut, textiles, etc because appearing presentable is now the norm.

As her boyfriend, you should now be offering informative and intelligent opinions because you will be beside this person to a myriad of destinations. For example, you two have decided to go for brunch in Little Portugal and the weather is a neutral 0 degrees. She is unsure if she should wear culottes or high-waisted flare jeans. She asks for your opinion: option 1) dive into a pool of great white sharks or 2) man the fuck up and be honest because trust is kind of a big thing in monogamous relationships.

You, the now discerning boyfriend who wears bright and lively socks, offers stern weather appropriate advice. This is the kind of advice that you would tell your past self: honest and frank. You decide that both options are attainable given that the culottes are worn with mid-calf boots or that the high-waisted flare jeans warrant a five inch stiletto that will compliment her afternoon mimosa.

That wasn't too bad, right? Right???!!!

Hopefully she doesn't ask you the trap question: "does this make me look fat?" This is a tricky question to navigate and the most reliable and safe response would be to sever your hand right at that moment because now we have to deal with the issue of a severed hand.

I'm not expecting you to now dress her to the CFDA awards or for fashion week. What I am expecting, is more than a sub-par response because no longer is dressing well a women's issue. Men are required to equally look as good and looking good builds knowledge on how to assemble a proper wardrobe.

You look good, she looks good. You two start a blog because what else is a well-dressed couple going to do?

Photo: le 21 eme

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