Wednesday, April 29, 2015

trend: pants that will survive a flood

Did you go out for a stroll today thinking you could get away with wearing shorts? And you could get away with shorts between the balmy hours of 12PM and 5PM. People were probably envious of all the shorts wearers, but come dusk you guys better have a contingency plan because while it feels like summer, it's not summer.

I call it premature-shortulation. Or just being Canadian.

This time of the year can be very difficult or rather easy to dress depending on your approach to life. It's a glass-half full/empty kind of approach. The glass half-full approach means you're taking advantage of the sun to enjoy an afternoon bake on your gams with a pint. This guy is cool, lives in a rent controlled apartment and is probably in a band. You should or shouldn't date him.

The glass half-empty guy though, is a little neurotic about the weather and only dedicates time to wearing shorts between Victoria Day and Labour Day. This guy is Type A. He works in finance and he should take you to Croatia (paid by him) and then say bye because as the saying goes "good on paper, bad in bed."

If you're just straight out confused like the rest of us who don't know how to dress for transition, then might I suggest snipping your jeans to expose your ankles like a doctor would snip a penis to permanently show the glans.

If my trend forecasting abilities have taught me anything, it's that I am always 97% correct which leave only 3% for errors. No big deal in the trend forecasting world!

This trend is easy. It works best when your pants are fitted, but not tight and just a little bit loose to allow subtle flow. The cropped variety works for suits to the office, jeans to brunch and for chinos while observing the cherry blossoms with your significant other.

If the cropped pants are too high, you've gone the culottes route and you should retract. If they look like pants you don't want to get wet during a flood, then you should pat yourself on the back because my dear friend, you are on trend.

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