Tuesday, May 16, 2017

did you know that white jeans are in?

I didn't know I wanted white jeans until I saw it on social media.

White jeans are nice. I guess. But I've had an allergic reaction to just the idea of them since my existence. This is similar to my friend who is allergic to peanuts, she will faint and die just consuming said peanuts, and if she does in front of me I wouldn't know what to do. White pants are: stark, prone to stains and just a touch douchey (think bros who club), which is enough for me to never consider them.

The truth is, I recently bought white jeans and tossed out all the negative connotations out the door.

Back to social media, I was simply scrolling the search feed - as one does, occasionally - and I stumbled on a well dressed man leaned against his bike. The kind of pose only fashion bloggers can execute, of course. The image in my mind is blurry, but he was wearing a dark top, white sneakers and can you guess the colour of his pants?? You guessed right! WHITE!!!! White as clouds. White as semen. White as the toilet you shit on and the toilet paper you use to wipe your shit.

From there, I let the idea percolate in my mind for a few minutes. Then hours. And after a few days, I was on the hunt for the perfect white jeans like a shark after its prey. I had business downtown last week and decided to browse in Uniqlo forgetting that I was even looking for white jeans to begin with. How I approach shopping is that the clothes find me. And there they were, laying so perfectly folded on a table next to fifty others. Mass production is terrible isn't it.

I tried them on. Got them hemmed (for free) in that awkward length and walked away with a pair of white jeans not knowing how to style them.

My friend invited me to a daytime event the following day and I thought I would sport them thinking that men in white jeans is a rarity. When I got there - a room full of young trendy millennials - I saw that there were at least ten people wearing white jeans/pants. It only takes three to make a trend and ten is something on another level.

Apparently, everyone got CC'd in an email stating that WHITE JEANS ARE IN, in caps lock, except me. I thought I was taking a sartorial risk, but I was actually the norm. And it's true, we're not as original as we think we are, but here I fucking am thinking I was.

Consider white jeans the sartorial equivalent of the summer anthem.

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